Kittehs

I'm having issues with my mother.  Yeah- that's not something I ever expected to say- ever- but here I am saying it. 
Lemme digress and backtrack before I explain said issues. 
Cats love me.  They follow me down the street.  They run out of their bushes to be loved by me.  They show up at my doorstep and adopt me.  I am a cat-magnet.  Like catnip to cats.  Cats always love me.  always.

Except the cats my mom chooses.  They are evil.  They aren't even real cats.  They think they are part dog, which might be part of the issue.  Neither of her current cats will snuggle with me.  Neither will let me hold them.  Neither will purr for me. 
One spends her day hiding- I assume it is from me.  Right now she is in the closet of my brother's room because my room is not good enough for her.
The other spends her day creating trouble

Then falling asleep.
but will she fall asleep in my warm squishy welcoming lap?  noooo.  she picks the Christmas tree to sleep in.
OR MY BROTHER'S LAP!

My mom needs to do a better job of picking kittens! how rude